I have a reached a state of (relative) calm. BUT I don't know that's it is more about reality or more about how this journey with Jack has deepened my faith and trust in the Lord. I feel almost hypocritical in my present state of lack of anxiety because it is definitely easier to say, "I am not anxious. My faith is in the Lord." when I have no reason to anticipate that Jack will require emergent medical intervention any time soon.
But truly, I feel as if parenting all by itself is a journey that can strengthen your faith and bring you into a more trusting relationship with God. And I think that is what has happened with me. Somewhere along this journey, I've learned to trust more and to know that I don't have to have all the answers. I've learned that I cannot control every circumstance and every outcome. I have learned that I must do what God calls me to do and no more. God is in control. I am not.
I can not make Jack reach a developmental milestone before he's ready. I can not make everyone understand what Jack is trying to say. I can not control how people talk to and about Jack. I can not control what Jack learns or when he learns it. <Deep breath> I don't have to.
I can provide an environment where Jack feels deeply loved and appreciated for who he is just at this moment. I can model my values and faith. I can be real and make mistakes and repair them the best I can. I can be Jack's interpreter at times and at other times back off and allow interactions to unfold however they will. I can provide a rich learning environment. I can encourage Jack's exploration of his interests.
I can and I will. Stressing over when and how it will all work out helps no one. So every day, I strive to do my part and have faith in the Lord for the rest.*
*remember I'm not perfect so when you see me stressing, feel free to refer me back to this post*
Where has your parenting journey taken you?