Monday, May 7, 2012

I don't know what I'm doing

I'm trying to surround this kiddo with as much as love as a person can feel.

You might think that life here is all sunshine and rainbows since I've just told you that I'm trying to surround my kid with love and I don't put a lot of pictures on the blog of Jack crying.

Well, life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and Jack does cry. And I don't know what I'm doing. It's a difficult thing to admit really. I believe that God creates each and every person for a reason. He created me for a reason. I think that at least one of those reasons was to be Jack's mom. The sum of my life experiences up to the day of Jack's birth prepared me to be his mother. I did not know it was possible to be this close to another human being. A relationship between mother and child is a special bond.
Yet, I have no idea what I'm doing. I spend a lot of time reading, thinking, and praying (and writing) about being Jack's mom. I try to do my best in every moment. But I don't know how all this is going to turn out. I can't even tell you everything Jack knows and can do right now. Jack shows us in his own time when he's ready and/or able what he knows and what he's capable of.

UpSide Down with Autism shared
on Facebook over the weekend. And I guess that's where I am.This is what God has lead me to for right now. Jack is someone today. God created Jack for a purpose. I don't know what that purpose is. I'm here to help him. But helping him does not mean pushing him to be someone he's not. Helping him does not mean treating him as an unfinished project that needs so much more work to be done.

So I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know how this will all work out but I'm learning to be okay with that.....

And I continue to appreciate any prayers on our behalf.


Nicki said...

Praying for you and your sweet boy! :)

Marie said...

Thanks Nicki!