Friday, April 20, 2007

Why oh why oh why?

This is the prayer that I find myself crying out in the middle of the night last night. Why oh why God would you create Jack and make him so wonderful and not allow him to breathe at night. Why why why why won't you help him to breathe? Why should my sweet baby suffer and how am I going to continue to hold on without sleep? I did not get an answer last night and I feel no clarity this morning. I know that God is here with us. I know that he has a plan for Jack, for me, for our family and I know that I am unable to see the bigger picture. I started to type that right now I don't feel his hand on us but that's not true. I do. If his hand were not on us, Jack would not continue to be a bundle of energy that is growing and developing despite all the oxygen drops at night. I would not be able to type right now because I would be unable to move due to exhaustion.

David stayed home from work today so that I could sleep in some this morning and so that I would not go crazy trying to take care of high energy baby and work while completely exhausted.

We have called Dr. Lozano again and are waiting for him to call back.

In the meantime, Jack is getting some more teeth, as evidenced by the drool drool drool and little tiny white spots on his gums.

Well, I better get back to working and taking care of Jack.

Pray for us. Pray for Dr. Lozano to have wisdom in treating Jack. Pray that Jack will continue to be resilient and continue to develop. Pray that David and I will remember that we are both suffering from disappointment and sleep loss and show the love that lies very deep in our hearts to one another. Pray that we will have wisdom as Jack's parents and make decisions that are in his best interests no matter what anyone else may think or say. Pray for me that I will find rest somehow and that I will remain positive despite being so frustrated and overwhelmed. Cover, smother, slather, wrap us up in prayer.


Anonymous said...

Hey, girl. I am praying for you now. For Jack, for David and for the doctors, too. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. Love you-Steph

Anonymous said...

Oh Marie! I'll keep your family in my prayers. Being the mom of a toddler is challenging enough without the extra worry. thank you for keeping us updated.

-Tracy and Elliot